Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
