Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
is that a dick in a sweater?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
