i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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