Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
