Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
