i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
