It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
