I want to have your abortion
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
