There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Randomize
