my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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