sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
