OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
