hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
