I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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