I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
