I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
