my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
