So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
