So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
