He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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