but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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