dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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