i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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