so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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