Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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