This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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