imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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