just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
