i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
