Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
