Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he just fucked me for my cheese.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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