SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
