Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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