I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
