TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
