I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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