i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
