Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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