Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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