Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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