so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
