Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
