dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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