This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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