I just saw a hot homeless man
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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