it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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