sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
