i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
