Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
