I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
