Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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