Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
