my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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