I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
smell my finger.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
