it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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